Are you kidding me?
Nope. Check it out...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
They got us into the war, so they suck right? Yep!
Here's a video compilation you definitely won't see on main strea media.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The AWNA Act
WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled. For example, it bans discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help people like me" With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled. For example, it bans discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help people like me" With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Interesting quote
"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it."
(B. Obama)
Hmmmm.
(B. Obama)
Hmmmm.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT
My fellow Americans, As your future president I want to thank voters of all political stripes for their mindless support, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor's ties with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, and my blatantly liberal voting record while I present myself as some sort of bipartisan agent of change.
I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behaviour somehow qualifies me for the presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political chicanery.
I would also like to thank the Kennedys for coming out in support of me. There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King Jr., they both slept with Marilyn, and Teddy's negligence caused the death of a young girl. I'm not going anywhere near the Kennedy cousins, especially Michael Skakel.
And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.
Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good. White people who vote for me get some relief from their racist guilt.
I say things that sound meaningful but don't really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think.
Americans are tired of thinking. It's time to shut down the brain and open up the heart.
So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do. And do it for me.
Thanking you in advance.
Barack
I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behaviour somehow qualifies me for the presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political chicanery.
I would also like to thank the Kennedys for coming out in support of me. There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King Jr., they both slept with Marilyn, and Teddy's negligence caused the death of a young girl. I'm not going anywhere near the Kennedy cousins, especially Michael Skakel.
And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.
Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good. White people who vote for me get some relief from their racist guilt.
I say things that sound meaningful but don't really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think.
Americans are tired of thinking. It's time to shut down the brain and open up the heart.
So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do. And do it for me.
Thanking you in advance.
Barack
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Lewinsky and Kaczynski
The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'.
The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.
Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:
Third place:
There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Second place:
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.
And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.
The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.
Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:
Third place:
There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Second place:
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.
And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
From Ahmed Foxworthy...
'YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF...'
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection tobeer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but youcan't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon'unclean.'
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives inyour clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other thansetting off roadside bombs.
9. You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with yourcave.'
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own atleast one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You've had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection tobeer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but youcan't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon'unclean.'
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives inyour clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other thansetting off roadside bombs.
9. You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with yourcave.'
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own atleast one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You've had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
Friday, March 7, 2008
More Hillary stuff
After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for theevening, Hillary Clinton sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of somelocal repute.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mysticDelivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll justbe blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die aviolent and horrible death this year just after you lose the election."
Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Hillary, who wasvisibly shaken at this news. Hillary stared back at the woman's linedface, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze, steadied hervoice, and asked her the big question:
"Will I be acquitted?"
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Military
Almost seven years ago I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power.
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W. Bush take his oath of office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched the Clintons board Air Force One for the last time.
I saw 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing President and first lady. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated under the Clinton administration.
Every last one of them missed.
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W. Bush take his oath of office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched the Clintons board Air Force One for the last time.
I saw 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing President and first lady. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated under the Clinton administration.
Every last one of them missed.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)