Monday, November 24, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Absolutely The Funniest Joke Ever !
. . . ON US Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No ? Didn't think so.
Bottom line . . we've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. Ready?
It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate. The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH? AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'
Ah yes, good ole bureaucracy. And now we are going to turn the Banking system over to them? God Help us.
Bottom line . . we've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. Ready?
It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate. The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH? AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'
Ah yes, good ole bureaucracy. And now we are going to turn the Banking system over to them? God Help us.
How to piss off the Democrats
You know what would really PISS OFF the Democrats...
Bush should resign now.
Then Dick Cheney becomes President (that would really PISS OFF the libs) !!!
Then he appoints Condoleeza Rice as VP.
Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleeza Rice, A Republican, becomes the first BLACK - WOMAN President!!!
Sounds pretty good to me!
Bush should resign now.
Then Dick Cheney becomes President (that would really PISS OFF the libs) !!!
Then he appoints Condoleeza Rice as VP.
Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleeza Rice, A Republican, becomes the first BLACK - WOMAN President!!!
Sounds pretty good to me!
Divorce
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et. al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.
Here is a model dissolution agreement. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens.
We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security. We'll keep our Judeo Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius and Subaru Station Wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors who will follow to your turf. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing", "Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World". We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
Would you agree to this? In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand also.
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.
Here is a model dissolution agreement. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens.
We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security. We'll keep our Judeo Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius and Subaru Station Wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors who will follow to your turf. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing", "Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World". We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
Would you agree to this? In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand also.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Plan
Okay, here's the plan:
1) Back off and allow those men who want to marry men, marry men.
2) Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
3) Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
4) In four generations, there will be no democrats!!!
'Man, I love it when a plan comes together!'
1) Back off and allow those men who want to marry men, marry men.
2) Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
3) Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
4) In four generations, there will be no democrats!!!
'Man, I love it when a plan comes together!'
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
From Rusty
It seems fitting on this election day that I share this with someone who is so politically oriented. It is one of my all-time favorite pieces of literature. Written in 1943, a government board requested the editorial staff of the New Yorker magazine for statement on "The Meaning of Democracy." E.B. White was the editor in chief. Do with it as you see fit.
Democracy E.B. White
We received a letter from the Writers’ War Board the other day asking for a statement on “The Meaning of Democracy.” It presumably is our duty to comply with such a request, and it is certainly our pleasure. Surely the Board knows what democracy is. It is the line that forms on the right. It is the don’t in don’t shove. It is the hole in the stuffed shirt through which the sawdust slowly trickles; it is the dent in the high hat. Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. It is the feeling of privacy in the voting booths, the feeling of communion in the libraries, the feeling of vitality everywhere. Democracy is a letter to the editor. Democracy is the score at the beginning of the ninth. It is an idea which hasn’t been disproved yet, a song the words of which have not gone bad. It’s the mustard on the hot dog and the cream in the rationed coffee. Democracy is a request from a War Board, in the middle of a morning in the middle of a war, wanting to know what democracy is.
Democracy E.B. White
We received a letter from the Writers’ War Board the other day asking for a statement on “The Meaning of Democracy.” It presumably is our duty to comply with such a request, and it is certainly our pleasure. Surely the Board knows what democracy is. It is the line that forms on the right. It is the don’t in don’t shove. It is the hole in the stuffed shirt through which the sawdust slowly trickles; it is the dent in the high hat. Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. It is the feeling of privacy in the voting booths, the feeling of communion in the libraries, the feeling of vitality everywhere. Democracy is a letter to the editor. Democracy is the score at the beginning of the ninth. It is an idea which hasn’t been disproved yet, a song the words of which have not gone bad. It’s the mustard on the hot dog and the cream in the rationed coffee. Democracy is a request from a War Board, in the middle of a morning in the middle of a war, wanting to know what democracy is.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
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