HILLARY ISMS

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympicathlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be anastronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wantedto go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be tellingpeople this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to bepresident because she can't do anything else." --- Jay Leno

"Well, the big story -- - Hillary Clinton will be running for presidentin 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wantsto see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed." --- Jay Leno

"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton runningfor president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, whileothers hate it." --- Conan O'Brien

"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered whyPresident Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan . Probably forthe same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk."--- Jay Leno
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary,is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know BillClinton --- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to thebank." --- Jay Leno

"Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the samesign? Know what sign? 'For Sale ' " --- Jay Leno

"A student from the University of Washington has sold his soulon eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it,but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, atleast I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine.' " -- - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allowall ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton 's former businesspartners can vote for her in 2008." --- Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much ofher personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want tosleep with an intern." --- Craig Kilborn

In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary detailswhat it was like meeting Bill Clinton , falling in love with him,getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband andwife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." --- Jay Leno

"In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having anaffair, she said, 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.' No,I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." --- David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York , announcedthat she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of thePresident of the United States . Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterlydisappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming atwo-impeachment family." --- David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party inher new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the partiesshe used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was thesame." --- Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush forbreaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying apromise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded thatBush spend the night on the couch." --- Craig Kilborn

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman inAmerica . Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Menadmire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away withit." -- - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state ofNew York . When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible,the one with only seven commandments." --- David Letterman